God With Me, In My Storms, Blessed Be The Name of the Lord!

I know people feel close to God in the good times.

When they are celebrating good news, a new job, a new baby, a healing...people will say "God is so good" or "God has surely blessed us!"  I don't disagree or have any problems with the thinking in those proclamations.  He definitely IS good and He most assuredly does bless us.  When people are happy, they want to shout and praise God for everyone to hear so they can know, or be reminded, that God is gracious and have hope for themselves in their own lives.  Me?  I feel close to God in those times.  I celebrate, too!  But, as a believer, I also celebrate my hard times. 

When life is overwhelming me, when the rain is beating me down, when my nerves are frazzled, when all I want to do is hide and get away from everything and everyone, those are the times when I can most physically feel God holding me. 

His voice thunders to me "Cindy, my child...I'm right here!  Rest." 

 

I only survive this life I'm living because He gets me through each day and that fact alone should bring all the glory and honor to Him.  I'm mentally weak and mentally fragile.  I lose my patience too much.  I raise my voice too much.  I don't provide enough structure for the family.  I need quiet too often.  I need alone time too much.  I need private time with my husband more frequently than they appreciate.  I resemble nothing at all of the kind of mother my children deserve.  I fail them, even on my best days.  However, God whispers to me that I'm enough.  He placed them with me.  He knows me better than I do and He decided I am the best He has on this earth for them.  I find total rest in that.  It's to His glory, not mine, that our family thrives.  That is clear.

At this very moment, I fight the feeling of guilt again, at disappearing, as I am hiding on the floor of my closet. I slip away from them to tuck away in Him.  I praise God for these hard times, for the days where I want to scream and run away for awhile.  These valleys, these pits of despair...God pulls me up and out and raises me higher.   Would I give the glory to God if my life were easy?   Would I remember to?  Would I take things for granted?  Would I seek Him so desperately if my soul never anguished?  Would I cry out to Him if I never felt guilt, depression, anxiety, stress?  Would I feel the need to hide in my closet for ten minutes of peace and prayer so often, if I was not continually tested?

The glory of this life is not my own.  The things I accomplish are not to my credit.  I am so unworthy that days come where I don't even have the words to cry out to God with.  Those days I rest in the promise that the Holy Spirit intercedes on my behalf.  

Oh God, Your glory is so immense it makes me weep.  Thank you for these days, these months, these years of hard times.  I pray that I never live a life so easy that I forget how to hide in my closet or forget how to take refuge on my bathroom floor with You.  I bask in your gloriousness.

You are glory.  I am Yours.